Is a sexless marriage normal? Experts say this is why so many couples stop having sex

TV shows, radio, and social media might make you think every couple is constantly having amazing sex. But for many Americans, that's just not the reality. According to Everyday Health, a study from 2018 in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that about 15% of married people hadn't had sex in the past year. Moreover, 13.5% hadn't had sex in the past five years.

These numbers tend to increase as people get older. A study published in May 2019 in the Journals of Gerontology looked at 1,900 married adults aged 57 to 85. It found that 40% of them hadn't had sex in the past year. But the story isn't just about older adults not having sex. Many people across different ages may also experience sexless relationships.

Katie Gilly, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Colorado, tells the outlet that the stigma around discussing sex can make it hard to know the true extent of sexless relationships. "It's often taboo to talk about sex or shameful to admit to others that one is in a 'sexless' relationship," she says. Gilly points out that in her practice, about half of the couples she counsels aren't sexually active.

Jessica Reynoso, a therapist in Arizona, says a sexless relationship usually means the couple hasn't been intimate for at least a month. Gilly emphasizes that not having sex doesn't mean a relationship lacks love. When both partners are okay with the situation, their relationship can still be happy and fulfilling.

Sexual activity can decrease for many reasons. These include issues like low libido, high stress, health problems, and significant life events like pregnancy or welcoming a new baby. Gilly adds that physical factors such as sexual dysfunction or aging can also impact a couple's sex life.

Even without frequent sex, couples can stay close through things like hugging, cuddling, and holding hands. It’s about mutual agreement. "It can be healthy when both individuals agree on the level of intimacy," Gilly states.

Problems arise when there’s an imbalance in desires. One partner may have a low libido while the other doesn’t. Health issues, emotional disconnection, and problems like infidelity can also contribute to this imbalance.

For those in sexless relationships who wish to have more physical intimacy, experts suggest clear and open communication. "Be open with your partner about your desire to change your physical intimacy," says Reynoso. Talking about each other's needs without blame is crucial, adds Gilly. Therapy is another option if couples struggle to address these issues on their own.

Additionally, having a healthy sex life has many benefits. It's good for emotional bonding and has physical advantages, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Sex burns calories, relieves stress, and promotes better sleep. Studies even suggest it has protective benefits for the heart. For instance, sex more than once a week was linked to a lower risk of death over two decades for heart attack survivors, indicated a 2019 study in The American Journal of Medicine.

In conclusion, while sexless relationships are more common than many think, understanding and mutual agreement are key to maintaining happiness. For those who want to improve their sex lives, honest communication and considering professional help are beneficial steps forward.