Swiftie fandom sparks liberation: Women's stories of leaving restrictive marriages

Taylor Swift's influence on relationships has taken an unexpected turn as some marriages end over conflicts about devotion to the pop star, according to interviews with recently divorced fans.

Several women report their marriages dissolved partly due to their husbands' negative reactions to Swift fandom, with some ex-spouses viewing the singer's music as detrimental to their relationships.

Kristin Collins, 41, a writer from Tucson, Arizona, said her former husband blamed Swift's music for problems during their nine-year marriage. "As I became more outspoken in our relationship about my feelings, her music was often blamed — like maybe I was listening to too much Taylor Swift and ruminating about our problems," Collins said.

Collins' musician ex-husband frequently criticized Swift's artistic abilities, leading to arguments. "He would just say, 'She's not good.' And I would say, 'Well, Billy Joel thinks she's good, and Stevie Nicks and Paul McCartney have publicly validated her talent,'" she recalled.

"His anger at me would become anger at Taylor Swift. And my fierce defensiveness of her was replacing my own defensiveness."

The conflict extended beyond musical preferences. Collins said Swift's lyrics, particularly from the song "Tolerate It," resonated with her as her marriage deteriorated. 

"I listened to songs like 'Tolerate It.' When Taylor sang, 'But what would you do if I break free and leave us in ruins/Took this dagger in me and removed it/Gain the weight of you then lose it/Believe me, I could do it.'

I thought I could do it too — break free from what had become a truly unhealthy relationship," she recalled.

After filing for divorce in 2021, Collins fully embraced her fandom, traveling to Las Vegas, Portugal, and New Orleans to attend Swift concerts.

"Since the divorce, I've traveled to Las Vegas, Portugal, and New Orleans with my girlfriends to see Taylor perform, something I never could have done while married," she said.

In another case, Sara K., 32, a freelancer and wedding content creator from Buckeye, Arizona, left her nine-year marriage in January. She said her ex-husband opposed their daughters listening to Swift's music, claiming the lyrics were inappropriate.

"Every time I would play her music in the car, he would be like, 'These lyrics are not appropriate for the kids,' and he would switch the song," Sara K. said. She added that her former spouse viewed Swift as a poor role model, describing the singer as "provocative."

"He was always very much like, 'She's not a good role model; she's provocative. She gives girls messages that they shouldn't be believing.' And I would always be like, 'I feel like she's very empowering.'"

Sara K. said Swift's music provided support during difficult times in her marriage. She connected strongly with Swift's song "You're Losing Me," released the same day she decided to leave her husband following what she described as abuse.

The impact of Swift's lyrics on marriage decisions appears in various songs. Sara K. cited lyrics from "It's Time to Go" as influential in her choice to end her marriage: "There's a lyric in there that says, 'Trying to stay for the kids, when keeping it how it is, will only break their hearts worse.'"

"And I always thought that by staying, I was saving my kids from all this heartbreak and pain. But then I realized by leaving, I was actually giving them a sense of freedom because they didn't have to live in this environment where they walked on eggshells all the time," Sara said. 

After her divorce, Sara K.'s friends arranged a June trip to London for Swift's Eras Tour concert. She described the experience of hearing "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived" as both painful and healing.

"She played 'The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived,' and man, I shouted it at the top of my lungs. I had tears streaming down my face. It was painful, but it was so healing at the same time," she said.

Sara K. said her new partner, while not initially a Swift fan, supports her interest in the music. "I found someone wonderful, and she was not a Swiftie, but she fully supports my obsession," she said. "We listen to her all the time. I break down the lyrics for her and we have dance parties. It's amazing."

The phenomenon highlights how popular culture and musical artists can influence personal relationships. Collins noted that her ex-husband has modified his stance on Swift after seeing their children's appreciation for the singer's music.

"I think that he is getting behind it now as a father in a way that maybe he couldn't as a husband, so I will give him that," Collins said.

Swift, 34, has become one of history's most successful recording artists. Her recently concluded Eras Tour has broken revenue records, and her influence extends beyond music to various aspects of popular culture, including relationships and personal empowerment.