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A Vietnam War veteran who recently passed away used his obituary to come out as gay, sharing a deeply personal secret he had kept his entire life. Col. Edward Thomas Ryan, an 85-year-old resident of Albany, New York, chose this final message to reveal his truth and ensure his story would be known. In his obituary, Ryan revealed, "I was gay all my life," feeling at peace now that his secret was out.
Ryan's obituary describes him as a highly honored veteran and dedicated community member per CBS News. He had a career as a retired firefighter, founded the radio station WHRL-FM, and earned numerous military awards. His honors included the National Defense Service Medal, the Defense of Liberty Medal for his actions after 9/11, the Conspicuous Service Medal for outstanding military service, and a Commander's Citation for exceptional service.
Alongside his military service, Ryan was deeply involved with the Vietnam Veterans of America and served on the Vietnam Veterans/Agent Orange Committee for the American Legion. Despite his many public achievements, Ryan hid an important part of who he was out of fear of being rejected.
According to the Albany Times Union, Ryan died on June 1. Near the end of his obituary, he opened up about his concealed sexuality, admitting, "I must tell you one more thing." Ryan disclosed that he had been in a long-term, loving relationship with Paul Cavagnaro, who died in 1994. He wrote with deep love, "He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together." He added that he wished to be buried next to Cavagnaro.
Ryan admitted he regretted not coming out earlier, attributing his silence to fears of being shunned by family, friends, and colleagues. "I'm sorry for not having the courage to come out as gay. I was afraid of being ostracized by family, friends, and co-workers," he wrote. He concluded by saying, "Now that my secret is known, I'll forever rest in peace."
Family members confirmed that many within the family were aware of Ryan's sexuality, but it was not openly discussed. Linda Sargent, Ryan's niece, told the Times Union that it was understood but unspoken. Cathy Stammel, another relative, respected Ryan's choice to keep his relationship with Cavagnaro private for decades, honoring his request for discretion.
Ryan's posthumous revelation has received wide support and empathy from the public. Commenters on his digital obituary expressed affection and respect for his bravery. One person commented, "As a brother in arms, I salute you. As a brother in spirit, I embrace you. As a brother of the Holy Spirit, I kneel and pray for your eternal solace." Others expressed sorrow that societal pressures prevented Ryan from living openly, with one commenter saying, "I am sorry that we as a country failed to make him feel safe enough to live his life fully and publicly."
The public's response reflects a growing acceptance and understanding in society. Ryan's story vividly illustrates the challenges many LGBTQ individuals have faced, especially in earlier times, and the bravery required to live authentically.
